Always. Wanting. More.

Why do I always complicate the greater plan for my life?
Why does it seem there's an emptiness inside me that I'm not sure how to saturate?
What is it that I'm seeking?
Why is there always an emptiness, a void, a gap, a longing...for more?

...More of what, though?
More talent?
More quietness, maybe?
More to surround myself with...?

Why am I always trying to fill this gap with people?
Is it people I need? Or is it a person? Or is it even anyone else at all? Is it simply more me that's needed?
Is it something within me longing to become a bigger part of my life?
Why when I'm by myself, sometimes I'm miles away in my heart and in my head? Why do I wander off on some search mission in a distant place in my mind?

What is it that I'm after? What is that rock that I'm looking for?
Why am I always on a mission?
Why is contentment never part of my equation?
Am I always wanting something?
Why is enough never enough for me?
Why do I always think there has to be more?
Why is peace so hard for me to have? Is it simply that I cannot accept peace?
Why is it that I'm always pushing for the next big thing?
Why does my mind seem to torture me?
Why is there always a sense of unsettledness there?
Why do I have an overwhelming desire for what cannot be described - always?

Am I alone in this? Or do others feel this, as well?
Is this a positive, or a negative? Maybe it just simply is?

Sometimes I think I need to just breath and just be. 

I am a little bit of everything...

I am difficult to describe. I am so many contrasting things.
I know what I want but don't always know how to get it.
I am country and fashionista.
I am impatient but calm.
I love music but also crave words.
I'm trusting but cautious.
I am sensitive but strong.
I am independent but vulnerable.
I am broken but I am whole.
I love with my whole being, but quick to move on from what hurts me.
I require attention but thrive on my own.
I am outgoing but reflective.
I am emotional but logical.
I am confident but insecure.
I am busy and animated but relaxed and chill.
I love to be entertained but also require reflective meditation.
I am comfortable with who I am but often compare myself or worry what others think of me.
I love the company of people as much as my own thoughts.
I am perceptive and thoughtful but reasonable and convincing.
I smile to hide the pain; I cry when I am the most joyful.
I am observant but meditative.
I am always seeking something more, yet I hate change.
I am adaptable but organized.
I  need acceptance but stand up for my beliefs.
I appear disorderly but know where everything is.
I crave attention but need my space.
I believe in myself but need reassurance.
I am a dreamer and a realist.
I am ever-evolving and constantly learning, but always making mistakes.
I am careful but adventurous.
I am indulgent but calculated.
I am full of ideas but not always original.
I am focused but aware.
I am systematic but am flexible.
I am energetic but peaceful.
I am learner, do-er, thinker, talker.
I am a great dichotomy.
I am "and;" I am "or."
I am a chameleon. A little bit of everything.
I am a beautiful contradiction.
I am a wonderful, crazy mixture of things.
I am a living paradox.
And it's quite an adventure being me.

To be a Kid

Sometimes I want to be a kid again.

Actually, I don't. I don't want to relive all my childhood days. They are in the past for a reason.

But I want to be a kid at heart.

I want to wear little bouncing pigtails in my hair.

I want to hop from hay bale to hay bale.

I want to dig in the sandbox with my Tonka truck.

I want to swing so high my toes touch the clouds.

Just for a day.

I want to play dress-up with all mom's old high school clothes.

I want to giggle like my life depends on it.

I want to wiggle my toes in the mud.

I want to ride on the back of the hay rack while dad works.

Just for a moment.

I want to scream at worms and crawling things.

I want to "help" grandma in the kitchen. 

I want to cry when I hurt, be held closely and reassured that everything will be okay. 

I want to lie on my back in the grass and stare up at the clouds.

Just for an hour. 

I want to jump on the trampoline until my stomach turns. 

I want to chase a puppy around, tugging at its tail and folding its little ears.

I want to race my sister to the end of the driveway on my bike (minus the skinned knees).

I want to not have a care in the world. 

Growing up is all I wanted back then, and now all I want is for one day, to see the world through the eyes of a child just one more time.

Music

"The earth has music for those who listen." - Shakespeare


Music can evoke emotions that little else can. Music inspires us, drives us, sets our mood, keeps us going, motivates us.

Music makes us laugh, makes us cry, makes us stop and think.

Music settles us down, riles us up.

There is music for every occasion, every event.

There is music for every emotion, every feeling.

There is music for every stage of life.

Sometimes I need faster, louder music to get me motivated.

Sometimes I need mellow, calming music to relax me at the end of the day.

Sometimes I need music that just gets it...music that explains how I feel better than I could.

I love the listening that music requires.

Really listening.

And not just to the lyrics.

To the melody, the harmony, the beat, the tone.

Music brings us back, recalls old memories.

The same song may have different meaning to different people, and music can come in different forms.

Maybe, like Shakespeare hints, music is found all around us. Music is in the wind, in the trees, in the grass, in the streams.

Music is in the click-clack of our shoes on the pavement, in the zoom of cars passing by. Music is in the tick-tock of the clock, in the pitter-patter of rain on the roof.

Silence is music. Sometimes quietness speaks louder than any noise.

The stillness of a quiet night. A soft breeze. A kiss of air. Those are music, too.

Listen to the music around you. Let it wash over you.

Find the music that lets your soul sing. And let the song in your heart be one that moves others.

Change

Do you ever get that feeling - of being anxious for what's to come? You feel the nervous jitters in your stomach, those butterflies bouncing back and forth.

You think maybe it's partially dread, because change is hard to adjust to and accept. But maybe beneath that...way below the surface somewhere... Maybe there's hope.

Hope of what's to come. Hope for a new tomorrow. Hope for change, for something new.

Hope for what you've never experienced before.

Hope for something that will alter the course of your life as you know it.

Hope for a rattling in your very core. A brewing of something...different. Something amazing.

Maybe it's the changing seasons... Maybe it's the changing leaves, or maybe, just maybe, it's a change of heart.

Maybe there's a change that's been beneath the surface for quite some time, waiting to be freed. Maybe that change has been building up for a while now, and it's time to let it out.

Maybe it's something more than you can understand.

Maybe it's not what you expected.

Maybe it's part of a greater plan and timing.

Maybe it's something bigger than you.

Maybe it's something you haven't been brave enough for, prepared enough for, before now.

Maybe it's something that will work out in the right time.

Maybe it's something that you need to let go of, finally, now.

Do you have what it takes to give in to that change? To allow it to alter your journey, your path?

Maybe the real question is... Do I?

I Need More Country Sunsets in My Life

I need more country sunsets in my life.

I need to feel the fresh air shudder over my skin, smell the rain as it sprinkles onto my face, hear the crunch of leaves under my boots. I need to taste more things home-grown, watch more clouds float across the blue, blue sky. I need to hear the gravel crunch beneath the tires, the scrape of leaves bouncing across the ground. I need to feel cold, cold kernels of corn slipping through my fingers.

I need the grass sprouting up between my bare toes. I need the breeze rustling through my hair. I need the tractors rumbling across the fields.

I need the bellow of hungry animals. I need the bleat of a new-born baby lamb. I need to witness the first wobbly steps they take.

I need to look up and see nothing but a giant black sky dotted by twinkling stars, no city lights marring that perfect endlessness.

I need the anticipation of a storm brewing, that temperature change, that rumble in the sky. I need that shift in the the air, that smell that promises rain, that moving in of the clouds. I need to hear the thunder crash and the rain ping against the window. I need to see the lighting strike, to shimmer through the distance.

I need to watch the red-orange sun peak over the horizon at the break of day. I need the shadows shifting throughout the day, the hot, hot sun baking the ground. I need the pink sun slouching down through the trees at the end of the day.

I need to run in the rain, to splash through the puddles. I need to see my reflection in a pond, dip my toes in the water.

I need the trees to bud and blossom, to fill out with green, green leaves. I need the leaves to turn crispy and vibrant colors, then slowly, one by one, fall to the ground. I need the bare branches, the dormant tree that sleeps until spring comes back. I need to experience the changing seasons, the seed planted, the reaping once that seed has grown. I need the new beginnings, the harvest, the preparation for another long, cold winter.

I need a blank canvas, a landscape of fields and countryside uninterrupted.

These are things I need to breath in, things I crave, things I can't get enough of. These are things I need.

Career Fair Advice

I realize most of my readers are my friends, which means most of you probably aren't college students going to college career fairs. However, since I work as a recruiter, I thought I would add to my blog this funny little anecdote. The president of a club on one of the campuses I work with recently asked me for five tips for college students preparing for career fairs. I love infusing humor where possible, and some of these "tips" required humor to explain. I hope you enjoy, even though you're probably not attending career fairs anytime soon!
~Signed by Stacey

1.       Dress up and look nice. It’s that simple. If you’re heading to the career fair right after class, wear a nice outfit to class. Don’t show up in sweatpants or even jeans – that’s my biggest pet peeve. And invest in a good pair of dress shoes (the money you spend will be well worth it if you land that job!). No tennis shoes with dress pants – it looks tacky. And don’t forget to comb your hair, brush your teeth, shave if you’re a guy – as common sense as it sounds, basic hygiene goes a long way. Don’t chew gum (or anything, for that matter). And be sure to wash the stamp off your hand from [insert name of local drinking establishment here] last night.

2.       Smile, be the first to extend the (firm!) handshake, introduce yourself, be professional, be friendly. Nothing impresses employers more than your taking the initiative to make an introduction. Have a quick synopsis about yourself to share – it can be as simple as, “I’m a junior looking for a summer internship, and my major is consumer affairs.” Or, “I’m graduating in December 2015 and looking for full-time employment opportunities. I studied math but I’m really looking to get into the agricultural industry” – whatever the case may be. The employer will steer the conversation from there.

3.       Have a polished resume ready – on white or off-white linen paper, if possible, but don’t obsess over this (having one on any kind of paper is better than not having one at all). It helps employers remember you (keep in mind, they will meet dozens of people at any given career fair). Your goal is to set yourself apart in positive ways.

4.       Be confident (remember that firm handshake we talked about?), but not arrogant. There’s a huge difference. Know yourself and what you’re looking for (while remaining open to new opportunities), and be able to clearly communicate that. However, don’t expect an employer to offer you your dream job on the spot – that takes time and effort. Also, remember that employers want to talk to you – they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t. That should help calm any nerves you may have.  

5.       Truly listen, and learn. As much as I want a student to be able to talk about himself/herself, I also want them to be willing to listen. Show interest. Learn about the company, the industry, the person you’re talking to. And don’t rush the conversation. You never know what you may take away. Even if you’re only at the career fair because you were required to be for a class, be truly open to learning something new. 

The Little Things

One of my favorite song lyrics comes from Lady Antebellum's "Heart of the World." It says simply, "Time is a thief I would rob." 

So much truth to that statement. And so little explanation needed. 

Time seems to be in such short supply, with such high demand. Pretty much the worst-case scenario for any commodity.

Time is so coveted. 

We try to capitalize on the "little" time we do have, which turns us in to crazy people - rushing here, there, everywhere. We meet ourselves coming and going at the door. We find ourselves running at top speed to keep our heads above water in this rat-race we call life. 

We have jobs to do, bills to pay, mouths to feed, events to attend, families to visit, children to parent, spouses to love...and endless errands to run to make that all happen. Whether we work the eight-to-five, overnights, rotating schedules, own our own business, or work multiple jobs, the work-life balance can be so daunting to accomplish. How does one even accomplish balance? Balance requires constant adjustment to remain upright. 

What is it about our lifestyles that makes time define us?

Whatever it is that fills our seconds, minutes, hours, days, we are all busy all the time. 

I challenge our busy lives, our jam-packed schedules. I ask, why? What is the purpose of constantly being on-the-go, without stopping to enjoy the little moments...? There has to be purpose, meaning, to everything we do, after all, right? Otherwise we wouldn't do it. 

Are we trying to keep up with the next person? Is that what keeps us running around? Are we to be better employees, better business owners, better parents, better friends...better this, better that...better, better, better. Are we constantly striving to be more, do more, than we already are? Is that why we never ever slow down?

We fall into bed at night, overcome by exhaustion. We scrape our weary bones out of bed in the morning and it takes every ounce of energy, ever fiber of our being. We shift into get-ready-for-the-day mode. We shower, get ready, make breakfast...if there are little ones in the family, that adds another element to that series of challenges that each day presents... We shift into auto-pilot and methodolically steer through our day. We turn into robots. We take meaning out of the everyday things we do, the interactions we have with others. 

We don't take time to stop and smell the roses, to enjoy the little moments, the special things. And we know this. That's not news to any of us, yet do we let that change anything about our actions, our busy-ness, our speed? 

What is it about slowing down that makes us feel so guilty? It's like if we aren't going a million miles an hour all the time, if we aren't constantly producing results, we feel less... something. Deserving, maybe? Worthy?

So often I hear people say, "It's the little things." Meaning, it's the little things that are the most important things. If that's the case, then why aren't we taking time to enjoy them? 

What would happen if we put the brakes on once in a while?

Take a moment out of your day to compliment a stranger. Hold a door for someone. Write a thank-you note to a friend who did something kind for you. Literally stop and smell a flower, if that's what makes you slow down for just a second. Take a moment to sit down and have a real conversation with someone - anyone. You never know what you could glean from little moments like that. 

I dare you.

Let's live more for "the little things."

Passion

What do we do with this thing called passion? Do we follow it, pursue it relentlessly, or do we push it aside - thinking we can't benefit from it, or maybe make a living from it. That it's an "after 5:00" thing. If we think our passion only deserves our attention after "normal working hours" - when we are free from other business and commitments - then is it really a passion? Passion is a deep, unsatiated, enduring, driving, consuming love for something. Merriam-Webster defines passion as "a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something." If we are overly enthusiastic about something, it usually becomes readily obvious to others - it is evident that we can't get enough of that thing, whatever it is.

I believe pursuit is a factor of passion. Passions nag at us, eat at us, until given not only attention, but fed almost intravenously - taking precedent over all other mediocre interests. When we ignore or put aside our passions, we undermine the core of our very being. Passions are like a lifeblood to us. When passions are fed, we feel energized and fulfilled. When starved, we feel empty. Feeding our passion feeds us.

Sometimes it takes some exploring to let our passion come to the surface, however. We all have our daily responsibilities - that's life. Those day-to-day things take up our time, our energy, our money, sometimes our very soul. We brush aside our passion - the thing(s) we crave the most. We tell ourselves that someday - some vague future time that we reference unconsciously - we will indulge that deeply submersed...nagging...thing.  It almost becomes a pain to even think about it because we're too busy to entertain it. Sometimes it gets pushed so far down that we forget what our passion is and it almost has to be "rediscovered" - unearthed.

But when we do give that passion of ours the time of day...the sincere freedom, the liberty, we feel is unimaginable! We finally comb through the cobwebs and come up with something, bring that something, that passion, to the surface. The satisfied feeling is more than joy, it's a pure...relief. And it's simply indescribable. It's such a feeling of peace - a feeling that can't be felt or fulfilled in any other way than to realize our deepest passion. The one that makes us who we are. The passion that defines us and when lived out in our life, becomes us. And we become it. We become who, and what, we are meant to be.

Passion is the thing from which dreams are borne. Imagine what you can do if you unearth your passion, let your dreams come to life, follow them relentlessly, and be who you are meant to be...! Incredible things can happen. Life can really be lived rather than merely passed by, survived.

That's the amazing reason we are given a passion to begin with. So we can be who we are meant to be.